Nontraditional Wedding Ceremony Script: A Celebration of Love in Eternity
Recently, I had the honor of officiating the wedding of two of my dear friends. What I created was both specific to the couple and yet universal to all human beings. I’m sharing it here for your enjoyment.
Friends and family, welcome! We are here to celebrate the love of two beautiful human beings that are near and dear to all of our hearts, [*bride] and [groom]. I want to emphasize celebrate because that is really what this wedding is about. To bring your family and friends together and to deepen the love, connection, and relationship that already exists. So today you won’t hear me give any advice, tell you what you should do, or explain the formula for a marriage to work. That’s not what celebration is about. And it’s not what love is about either.
There is no formula or rulebook for love. That’s because love is simply about space. The space to be you. To love [bride] is to allow her the space to be totally herself. And to love [groom] is to allow him the space to be totally himself. It’s also the space to be connected, to be visible, and to be seen. To allow [bride] in — to allow her to see you. To allow [groom] in — and allow him to see you. And all of that happens NOW — not in the future.
THIS moment.
Love is a now-phenomenon and only a now-phenomenon.
But it’s worth mentioning that now is ANYTHING but ordinary when love is truly present — the love like the two of you have.
THAT is a dimension of now called eternity.
We think of eternity as forever, but it’s not. It’s not even a long time. Eternity is the dimension of now that opens up when you sink deep enough into this present moment.
That’s what this wedding is:
A CELEBRATION OF LOVE IN ETERNITY.
And marriage is that over time.
And with that in the background, I invite each of you to share your vows. Your vows are your opportunity to acknowledge who the other is for you. And since it’s all about NOW — right now you get to create who the other is in your sharing.
(Bride shares her vows. Then groom shares his.)
Now that you’re present to how [bride] relates to you and how [groom] relates to you, you can truly choose to enter this marriage. [Bride], do you take [groom] to be your lawfully wedded husband? “I do.” [Groom], do you take [bride] to be your lawfully wedded wife? “I do.” Beautiful.
You see, we tend to think of commitments as constraining, but the right commitment — and by right, I don’t mean morally right, I mean one that is made from deep within you — that kind of commitment can open up a whole new level of freedom — of happiness — of depth to life.
Commitments can seem abstract at first, but they quickly take concrete form. The commitment to a career. The commitment to create a home. The commitment to start a family — just ask your mom, that commitment gets real very fast!
And similarly with the commitment to be married. One of the concrete forms that takes is in a wedding ring. The ring is the symbol — the concrete form — of your commitment to love each other. And in that way, the ring is a living symbol. It breathes and grows just like your love does. And now, [groom] if you will put the ring on [bride]’s finger. And [bride] if you will put the ring on [groom]’s finger.
There’s another aspect to a commitment like the two of you have made here. And it requires me saying something about identity.
What it means to identify something is to “establish or indicate who or what it is.” Your identity is how you establish yourself in the world. It’s who you are.
And you create it.
That may sound crazy to some of you… but you actually create yourself in a very real sense.
Beginning when we’re born we mostly go through life identifying just with ourselves — my needs, my body, my beliefs, my favorite sports team (jokingly), or even identifying with my past or my future.
But sometimes in the course of life… we meet someone — someone incredibly special. Someone that so sweeps us off our feet that we want to reconstitute — re-establish — who we are in the world — to include them.
And as a symbol of this, you two will be planting a tree together. A coming together of two separate individuals in a shared space of love.
(The couple plants and then waters the tree together.)
And now by the power vested in me by the State of California, I pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!
*This ceremony was created for a bride and groom, and of course could be adapted for two brides, two grooms, etc.
